Recently I was offered the opportunity to review a copy of The Good Men Project either in paperback or DVD form. After perusing the foundation’s website and reading an excerpt chapter written by Hall of Fame linebacker Andre Tippett (one of my all time favorite Patriots), I knew immediately that I wanted to dive into the book.
In it’s own words, The Good Men Project: Real Stories from the Front Lines of Modern Manhood is: more than a book: it is the centerpiece of a national discussion about what manhood means today. Thirty-one essays by a broad range of men – rich, poor, black, white, gay, straight, urban, rural, famous, ordinary – describe the challenges, obstacles, triumphs, failures and life-changing moments that collectively help define what it means to be a man in America.
In the ever changing world that we live in today a man’s role in society is constantly evolving. As a stay at home dad I can attest to it personally. We are husbands, partners, fathers, sons, brothers, employers or employees and each role can have a different set of responsibilities and expectations thrust upon us.
The essays in the book are organized into four major categories: fathers, husbands, sons and workers and the men who contributed to it bring their own unique perspectives through their triumphs, failures and tribulations. Each man openly and candidly discusses life, love, death, addiction, incarceration and the conflicts inherent in our collective manhood.
Of all of the unique stories in the book I identified most, unsurprisingly, with the story of Charles LeDuff, a stay at home dad, the author of US Guys: The True and Twisted Mind of the American Man and a former national correspondent for the New York Times. Shortly after his daughter’s birth his wife received a job offer that forced them to think about the dynamic of their family. Ultimately he decided that the hold his job had on him had become too much and he resigned.
For me, there was a parallel in that I was dissatisfied with my career and knew that my wife had a solid career in a stable an industry, at least as stable as one can be in the economy in which we find ourselves. Like Charles, we made the decision for me to stay at home because it was the best for our family.
We surely could have made it work if I had decided to re-engineer my career while adjusting to life as a father, but the opportunity to make the connection I have with my son was worth more to me than any salary I could be earning. In my online profile I describe myself somewhat tongue in cheek as a ‘professional failure’, but the reality is that I had been moderately successful. I just realized nearly a decade in that my profession didn’t fit my personality and that, to me, felt like failure of purpose.
Overall it is a very interesting and quick read, as I picked it up the other night with the intention of familiarizing myself with the book and got sucked into it rather easily. When I finished the book nearly three hours later at one in the morning I was a little surprised that it captured my attention that readily. The book has really given me some food for thought about my own story and my own feelings about what I think it means to be a man, which I think may fuel another post on this topic.
The only criticism I have about the book is that I was a little disappointed that they didn’t offer any essays exploring a man’s role as a brother. I haven’t always been the brother that my own brother deserves and I would have been interested in reading stories about men and their relationships with their siblings.
If you get an opportunity to check out the book you should. I am considering purchasing the DVD to get the complete picture of the project, but the book is surely a worthwhile investment of your time. Additionally, the proceeds from the sale of the book and DVD benefit the The Good Men Foundation whose mission is to support organizations that provide educational, social, financial or legal support to men and boys at risk.
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I am most impressed that you read an entire book in three hours. You cook, you write, you read, you watch football, you are a SAHD. When do you sleep?
Sounds like a powerful book/DVD. I need to check that out. I'll probably identify with the SAHD guy from the NY Times most too. Great review–thanks!
Nice review PJ. I'm looking forward to reading it.
Shortly after we decided that I was going to be the stay-at-home parent, my dad told me that he regretted that he missed his sons growing. He said he thought I was the “luckiest man alive.” That was 13 years ago, but I think of it almost every day.
I've heard of the Good Men project
I'm all on board with anything that sheds some light on the struggles that men go though to come to where they are. It's one of those subjects that gets ignored but that deserves to be talked about. With all the negativity about men it's refreshing to hear real stories of struggle and persistence. By the way, My mouth is watering over that peaches en Risotto you have over there on your sidebar! yum
Thanks for sharing this with us. I will check into it a little more. It must be a theme this week, how we can become better men, fathers, husbands, and as you point out- brothers.
Sounds like a powerful and interesting book. I need to pick me up a copy. Thanks for the review.
Sound like a fantastic book. Knowing the thoughts of other men is kind of liberating in the sense that you can identify with the same battles, shortcomings and successes that we all go though. Hearing from such a diverse group is so much more realistic.
I agree they should have mentioned thoughts on being a brother – that plays a huge part in manhood.
These days, very rarely. Combine my nocturnal nature with a teething toddler and you have a recipe for disaster. Fortunately I have nap time.
Yeah, you definitely will. There are some good stories and a few I didn't necessarily identify with. But it is interesting to see how different men respond to different situations and stressors.
I couldn't agree more with you or your dad. I know that I'm going to have a hard time re-entering the workforce when it comes times to do so, but I wouldn't trade what I'm doing now for the world.
Absolutely, whether it's because of our nature to sweep our emotions under the rug under the guise of it not being 'manly' or the general apathy in the media.
I think so, I've noticed a few posts like this. I hope you are well.
No problem, if you check it out you'll have to let me know what you think.
I agree. I left for college as my brother was starting high school and our relationship meandered through my early adulthood. Now that we both have children it has changed entirely. I think stories like that would have been helpful.
These days, very rarely. Combine my nocturnal nature with a teething toddler and you have a recipe for disaster. Fortunately I have nap time.
Yeah, you definitely will. There are some good stories and a few I didn't necessarily identify with. But it is interesting to see how different men respond to different situations and stressors.
I couldn't agree more with you or your dad. I know that I'm going to have a hard time re-entering the workforce when it comes times to do so, but I wouldn't trade what I'm doing now for the world.
Absolutely, whether it's because of our nature to sweep our emotions under the rug under the guise of it not being 'manly' or the general apathy in the media.
I think so, I've noticed a few posts like this. I hope you are well.
No problem, if you check it out you'll have to let me know what you think.
I agree. I left for college as my brother was starting high school and our relationship meandered through my early adulthood. Now that we both have children it has changed entirely. I think stories like that would have been helpful.
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