- Image by paulmorriss via Flickr
The other night my wife was inexplicably reading one of those ‘parenting’ rags when she let out an “you’ve got to be kidding me”. I looked up from what I was reading so she could show me an article called “The Naming Wars” that had a little sidebar of friendly ‘advice’ called “De-stress the naming process”.
As I scanned the ‘advice’ I let out a “what the f@#$” over what I had just read. It’s not often that I go off on a rant, but this garbage was just too much to bare.
So, my friends, here is the helpful advice the author chose to share (in reverse order from last to first) and my commentary on it:
5. Once you’ve decided, keep the name on the down low until the baby’s born: It’s the most diplomatic way to avoid unsolicited opinions.
Sound advice. This is especially good for those with factions in their family that would rain on their parade no matter what they planned named their child unless it was after them. Of course, I personally would have no problems telling naysayers to shut it unless they cared to make a sizable contribution to the child’s college fund.
“Of course Uncle Mortimer, we’d be happy to have our child share your fine name. Umm, do you know if that wire went through per chance?”
4. Use the BabyNames.com iPhone app to save a list of favorites – or just rely on its random name generator!
Seriously? An iPhone app? I’m a notorious app junkie, but this one definitely gets a giant WTF right here folks.
“Mommy”
“Yes, sweetie”
“How did you and daddy come up with my name when I was born”
“Well sweetie, your father and I shook an iPhone six or seven times until a name popped up that we could tolerate because we are not only lazy, but unimaginative.”
“Oh, is that like a game, Mommy?”
“Yes, sweetie, now go outside and play”
I don’t know if this rag was owned by the makers of this app, but I do know they didn’t disclose any relationship either way. If they were bloggers they might have just put eleven large at risk and set themselves a date with the FTC. But I guess since they are a trustworthy ‘traditional’ media outlet that it’s all good.
3. Or, agree not to talk names before the birth, then bring a list of 10 each to the hospital and choose from those when the time comes.
On second thought, I think I might like the iPhone app idea better. I don’t know about you, but when the ‘time came’ all we could think about is what the hell to do with this tiny little person that liked to scream regularly, eat often and needed a new diaper frequently. By the time we checked out of the hospital we were both a day behind on sleep thanks to three and a half days there.
If you are at odds over the name before you even walk in the door, then waiting until after the birth surely doesn’t sound like the best of ideas. Instead, sit down, talk it out and get it done.
2. Go through a name book, each using a different color highlighter, then pick from the crossover – it will pop up in living color.
OK, maybe they’ve gotten off the express bus to crazy town, as I agree that this is good idea. We did it a little differently in that we each came up with our own lists and then matched them up to see what, if any, crossover there was. Of the four ideas so far, this is the only one with any merit.
1. If your husband’s keen on finding out the baby’s sex, let him have that in exchange for sole, exclusive naming rights.
Are you f@#$ing kidding me? This trade is so bad that Mike Lynn of all people just called and advised not to make the deal. They can’t be seriously suggesting that a father give up any and all say as to what their child will be named for THE REST OF THEIR LIFE for 20 to 22 weeks of exclusive knowledge of the sex of their child.
Normally I’d say that this is the worst piece of advice I’ve ever seen, but I’m trying to be better about applying absolutes. So, I’ll instead say this is the worst piece of baby naming advice I’ve ever seen and leave it at that.
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