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Today’s post is a first in a “to be determined” series of posts on examining whether or not fathers matter. How many posts I end up with really depends on how cranky this issue continues to make me.
I’m going to come right out and say it. I’m tired of kneeling on concrete!
Get your minds out of the gutter. I’m talking about the general lack of baby changing areas in men’s rooms.
On separate occasions last week I was out and about with my little man without my wife and both times he’s needed changing at a location (local restaurants) that did not have proper facilities for me to be able to change his diaper. This is an issue that really grates on my nerves, let alone my knees.
When we were going through all the child care classes the general theme for fathers was that we needed to stop being worthless and do everything in our power to support our wives. While I didn’t appreciate their tone, I understood their point. Having a child, especially a newborn, comes with a lot of stress and if the division of labor is unfairly tilted towards the mother then there is the potential for resentment and hurt feelings, among other things.
Obviously my being a stay at home dad changes the situation a bit because I am the one that is responsible for the bulk of his care plus other household related chores. This is my job, the role I have accepted for the betterment of my family and I take it very seriously. However, what I don’t need are things making my job more difficult and the overwhelming lack of facilities in men’s rooms, or the more convenient family bathrooms, really rubs me the wrong way.
To be clear I don’t necessarily hold the restaurants accountable for this glaring oversight, rather it is their landlords and property owners for whom I hold the most contempt. It is 2009 and men are taking an increasingly larger role in the care of their children. It is about time that more attention is paid to providing adequate facilities in men’s rooms (if the space for a family bathroom is not available) so we are not kneeling on a cold, hard floor trying to feverishly change our baby who himself is wretching around, thereby compounding the stress of the situation.
And for those of you concerned that I’m some absent minded dad who tosses his kid on some dirty bathroom floor to be changed, please be assured I’m not Homer Simpson, Ray Barone or Tim “the toolman” Taylor. In the times where I’ve had no choice but to use the floor, I have the changing pad in the diaper bag to protect him as best as I can. Exiting the restaurant in the middle of a meal wasn’t an option in these two most recent instances; otherwise I would have retreated to the friendly confines of the suburban assault vehicle to handle the task as I have done numerous times.
Obviously there is still a very large disconnect in our society over the role of fathers and their importance in this world. You have magazines claiming to be about parenting that want to tell me about my “life as a new mom” and columnists writing articles about how she gave her husband a time out. I’ve got your time out right here. Enough is enough already.
Every friend of mine that is a father is a highly capable and supportive partner to his wife. Sure, we all have our moments of stupidity and cluelessness, but who doesn’t. If you don’t, then good for you and feel free to throw that stone at anytime. While on the surface the dad as a dolt can make for a funny TV commercial or sitcom, but they are generally dismissive of the importance of fathers and belie what men can and will do for their families.
Rant over – for now.
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