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Today’s post is a first in a “to be determined” series of posts on examining whether or not fathers matter. How many posts I end up with really depends on how cranky this issue continues to make me.
I’m going to come right out and say it. I’m tired of kneeling on concrete!
Get your minds out of the gutter. I’m talking about the general lack of baby changing areas in men’s rooms.
On separate occasions last week I was out and about with my little man without my wife and both times he’s needed changing at a location (local restaurants) that did not have proper facilities for me to be able to change his diaper. This is an issue that really grates on my nerves, let alone my knees.
When we were going through all the child care classes the general theme for fathers was that we needed to stop being worthless and do everything in our power to support our wives. While I didn’t appreciate their tone, I understood their point. Having a child, especially a newborn, comes with a lot of stress and if the division of labor is unfairly tilted towards the mother then there is the potential for resentment and hurt feelings, among other things.
Obviously my being a stay at home dad changes the situation a bit because I am the one that is responsible for the bulk of his care plus other household related chores. This is my job, the role I have accepted for the betterment of my family and I take it very seriously. However, what I don’t need are things making my job more difficult and the overwhelming lack of facilities in men’s rooms, or the more convenient family bathrooms, really rubs me the wrong way.
To be clear I don’t necessarily hold the restaurants accountable for this glaring oversight, rather it is their landlords and property owners for whom I hold the most contempt. It is 2009 and men are taking an increasingly larger role in the care of their children. It is about time that more attention is paid to providing adequate facilities in men’s rooms (if the space for a family bathroom is not available) so we are not kneeling on a cold, hard floor trying to feverishly change our baby who himself is wretching around, thereby compounding the stress of the situation.
And for those of you concerned that I’m some absent minded dad who tosses his kid on some dirty bathroom floor to be changed, please be assured I’m not Homer Simpson, Ray Barone or Tim “the toolman” Taylor. In the times where I’ve had no choice but to use the floor, I have the changing pad in the diaper bag to protect him as best as I can. Exiting the restaurant in the middle of a meal wasn’t an option in these two most recent instances; otherwise I would have retreated to the friendly confines of the suburban assault vehicle to handle the task as I have done numerous times.
Obviously there is still a very large disconnect in our society over the role of fathers and their importance in this world. You have magazines claiming to be about parenting that want to tell me about my “life as a new mom” and columnists writing articles about how she gave her husband a time out. I’ve got your time out right here. Enough is enough already.
Every friend of mine that is a father is a highly capable and supportive partner to his wife. Sure, we all have our moments of stupidity and cluelessness, but who doesn’t. If you don’t, then good for you and feel free to throw that stone at anytime. While on the surface the dad as a dolt can make for a funny TV commercial or sitcom, but they are generally dismissive of the importance of fathers and belie what men can and will do for their families.
Rant over – for now.
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{ 24 comments }
OOPS, commented on the wrong post…
No Joke…I have been known to head (get it?) into the Women's restrooms, when no changing table is provided in the Men's room. If they cant think to allow Dad's the same basic options, then I cant think of how they should care I am in there.
Fucking-A-right! I just had to do the same exact thing at a restaurant a couple of days ago. There I am with a changing pad (that he's outgrown) on the floor of the men's room trying to change his diaper as he flails about like an angry marlin out of water that I've just hauled on board!
And let's not even get into the dirty looks I get on Wednesdays (my day off) when I take my son to a playgroup or story hour and I'm the only guy there. There might as well be bubbles over the other moms' heads that read: “Look at this deadbeat, why isn't he at work?” It's like moms are the Jets and parenthood is their turf, and dads are the Sharks trying to take over.
It pisses me off daily.
I hear that. I'm a huge fan of the family bathrooms. The only place around here that has them is Target but man they are awesome and need to start popping up in more venues.
I've been fortunate that the few restaurants we visit all have changing tables in the men's room.
It is easy for society to accept new views of the dad's role but it is quite another thing to follow it up with action. Everyone should get with the program because I will not be kneeling on the floor.
To be honest, I've seen plenty of those changing tables in restrooms…. and the times I had to change my kids, I used the cleanest spot on the floor I could find (with appropriate padding); I never saw a changing table hung in a restroom that I believed was hung properly to risk my kid.
PJ, you struck a nerve. Are we stuck in the '50s as a society or what? I totally agree and I have to say that I have changed my daughters on the floor many, many times and it just sucks. I think April for the Dad Blogs Investigates should be Respect the Dad…all articles about how dads are getting the shaft. This is a good muse going forward.
Ha! I thought of that the second time it happened to me this week, but alas it was a one at a time deal and the women's room door was locked!
I get those looks every day of my life when I'm taking my son out for a walk. They are even better when I would take him to the mall in the more well to do area and I didn't want to subject him to the “cold” of Charlotte. Man that is just fun stuff.
I'm with you on that, some just don't look safe, which is how I end up leaving where I'm at and retreating to the safety of the minivan.
You should see this family bathroom in the new mall just north of me. Its like a private suite, absolutely crazy. I almost got lost try to find a changing table. This may have happened less than a dozen times, but it still drives me insane.
The funny thing, which I failed to mention in my post, is the first time I had to change him was actually at the medical building where they teach the parenting classes. Wouldn't you know that they had NOTHING in the men's room for me to use to change my son. They tell me I'm worthless, but can't be bothered to back up their own rhetoric. Hypocrites.
Sounds like a great idea, Joe. Post #3 in this series that I'm planning will fit perfectly with that April theme. Thanks!
there should definitely be changing areas in men bathrooms…though i have to say that sometimes those things are nasty as all get out. if you ever do find one with one, keep laying that changing pad on it, too.
I agree with you…yes I always still use the changing pad and for good measure I have a huge stash of wet wipes in the diaper bag…I use those things everywhere!
I have so say that most restrooms that I've been in have changing tables. They are not always in the best shape, though.
I don't get it. I'd really love to hear the reasoning behind why these places don't have a changing table in the men's room.
There have been just a few places in Colorado that did not have changing facilities in the Mens camode, namely our Walmart! A couple years ago I took my son to his first baseball game and all things taking their natural course, we had to use the bathroom at Coors Field. They had changing tables in the mens facilities and that was totally cool!
PJ –
GOOD FATHERS MATTER!! As a mom of a 19 year old daughter and a 15 year old son that are happy, well-adjusted, mature and intelligent (okay I'm a proud mom and I had to throw that one in..) I have to tell you that they are that way because of TWO parents. Yes, I am a good mom, not perfect, have made my share of mistakes along the way, but a good parent in all. However, a child needs the balance and input of both a mother and a father in order to grow up with a healthy view of themselves. It doesn't matter which one does the bulk of the caregiving – both sides bring something different and unique to the equation.
My daughter has many friends whose parents are divorced and the fathers are either out of the picture, drunks, or jerks. Each one of those girls has had issues with boyfriends. And each one looks up to and respects my husband because he has been a substitue father for them over the years. My son has an entirely different relationship with his dad than I do and it's good for him. Right now my kids are older and we both are employed, but he would've loved the chance to stay home with them if we could've afforded it back in the day.
As for restrooms – maybe if more men raise their voices, we'll have more “family-friendly” options in public places. And yes, I've changed my share of diapers in weird places (an airplane restroom is the worst). Believe me – women know all about this issue – just look at the lines at a woman's restroom in an old sports arena versus the men's.
PJ –
GOOD FATHERS MATTER!! As a mom of a 19 year old daughter and a 15 year old son that are happy, well-adjusted, mature and intelligent (okay I'm a proud mom and I had to throw that one in..) I have to tell you that they are that way because of TWO parents. Yes, I am a good mom, not perfect, have made my share of mistakes along the way, but a good parent in all. However, a child needs the balance and input of both a mother and a father in order to grow up with a healthy view of themselves. It doesn't matter which one does the bulk of the caregiving – both sides bring something different and unique to the equation.
My daughter has many friends whose parents are divorced and the fathers are either out of the picture, drunks, or jerks. Each one of those girls has had issues with boyfriends. And each one looks up to and respects my husband because he has been a substitue father for them over the years. My son has an entirely different relationship with his dad than I do and it's good for him. Right now my kids are older and we both are employed, but he would've loved the chance to stay home with them if we could've afforded it back in the day.
As for restrooms – maybe if more men raise their voices, we'll have more “family-friendly” options in public places. And yes, I've changed my share of diapers in weird places (an airplane restroom is the worst). Believe me – women know all about this issue – just look at the lines at a woman's restroom in an old sports arena versus the men's.
This has never happened to me *wry grin*rub knees*
I am noticing an increasing number of change tables in mens-rooms here in Kiwiland (New Zealand) and I try to make a point of mentioning my appreciation to the staff of the establishment.
I think that until we see the reduction of “Eww why would a man want a change table in the mens room? – pervert!” ideology it will be a slow process to get the facilities updated.
That said – I have been very pleased with the toilet facilities in most malls locally! Parents rooms (lets forget the look of disgust I got from one mother when I walked in to change my child's nappy and her immediate departure. Says more about her than me really) *AND* change tables in the mens-rooms.
More often than not I have to leave restaurants where I live if my wife isn't with me. I will say the newer malls in the area have done a great job. This one has a family suite that literally has two changing areas and separate facilities that even have seats you can strap your toddler into so you can do your business. It's brilliant. I have hopes for the future, but we are still a good ways off. Don't you love it when you get dirty looks from moms when you walk into a family changing room? I'll never understand that.
More often than not I have to leave restaurants where I live if my wife isn't with me. I will say the newer malls in the area have done a great job. This one has a family suite that literally has two changing areas and separate facilities that even have seats you can strap your toddler into so you can do your business. It's brilliant. I have hopes for the future, but we are still a good ways off. Don't you love it when you get dirty looks from moms when you walk into a family changing room? I'll never understand that.
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