Don’t fathers matter?: Playing to the stereotypes

This is the fourth, and final, installment of my “don’t fathers matter” series. These posts have followed my wave of emotions as I’ve contemplated this issue and I believe the answer to this question lies within each and every one of us. Thanks for all of your comments on the previous installments and for coming along for the ride.

Despite all my ranting and raving about fathers and the manner in which they are depicted in society by the media sometimes I just can’t help but play to the stereotypes to help get what I want. I realize that this “if you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em” attitude could be perceived as a defeatist mentality, but not if it is a means to an end.

As an example, about a week and a half ago I had to run an errand to pick up a gift for my friend’s daughter who was turning five in a few days. Since she was born I had been buying her the pieces to the Precious Moments birthday train and needed to procure the next in the series before her birthday party that following Saturday. Now with most things we purchase my wife reached into her magical coupon thingy and supplied me with a $5 off a purchase of $25 coupon that just happened to be expiring the next day. Yes, her skills with coupons are uncanny.

Since we’ve had problems finding the pieces to the birthday train when we’ve needed them my wife was also smart enough to call the store the night before to confirm that they actually had the five year figurine in stock. Having ascertained its availability, she even managed to get the person on the phone to set one aside for me so I could make it in and out of the store in minutes. I don’t have any particular issue with Hallmark stores, mind you. I would love to own one ($3 for a card, really?), but like to spend as little time in one as humanly necessary. Maybe it’s because I’m an acquirer and not a shopper, but I digress.

In any event that day I gathered up little man and headed out to run errands, including stopping at the Hallmark holding the figurine for me. Armed with the coupon, my wife’s Crown Card and little man I made my way up to the checkout, told them what I was there for and inspected the item when they retrieved it. After returning the item back in the box I promptly presented the cashier with the coupon, the Crown Card and my credit card for payment. She took everything from me and spent an inordinate amount of time reviewing the coupon, even consulting with another employee, to determine whether or not it was valid for the purchase I was about to make.

Now, we had inspected the coupon’s limitation language printed on the back before even calling to inquire about availability, but I was on edge because the language did not specifically include or exclude its use on Precious Moments merchandise. It was exactly at that moment that I decided I would launch into the “stupid husband” routine if necessary in order to obtain the discount.

That’s right, I was totally willing to sell myself out to save five dollars on a birthday gift.

Why you ask? Well, because when am I going to run into this cashier again any time soon? Do I really care what she thinks about me from the few minutes of interaction we had at a Hallmark store? I do my best not to judge people based on limited interactions with them, especially if I perceive that they may be having a bad or off day. If people choose to judge me as a man, a husband or father based on a limited interaction with me, then that is their prerogative.

Besides, I’m comfortable enough with myself to know that the only opinions of me that truly matter are those of my wife and son.  As long as I have them, the rest is pretty much insignificant.

So, as I wrap up my diatribe on whether or not fathers matter, the answer is simple. Of course we do. The answer, however, isn’t found on bathroom floors, in the pages of “parenting” magazines or on the signature line of a birth certificate.

No, fathers matter because our children matter. We matter to our families and deserve respect, but only after we have earned it. Respect is earned by the respect and love we show our wives and partners, as well as by the examples we set for and the lessons we impart to our children.

In my opinion that is what the true measure of a father is and if the generalizations and stereotypes depicted in the media don’t want to adapt and change as the role of the father has in society, so be it. In our hearts we know the truth and that’s all that matters.