Every once in a while there is an article or a news story about dads and fatherhood that really rubs me the wrong way. It has been a while since one has come through my stream that has annoyed me as much as the New York Times article “Fathers Gain Respect From Experts (And Mothers)” that Ron at Clark Kent’s Lunchbox posted last Thursday.
In this particular case it wasn’t the article or the study on fatherhood it detailed, but rather the manner in which the results of the study were heralded as earth shattering news. In this new study it was ‘discovered’ that families did better when both the mother and father were involved in parenting their children.
Seriously? Should any one of us consider this to be a stunning revelation?
No, it is called parenting for a reason. Not mothering, not fathering. It takes two to raise a child in a way that affords them to become a healthy, happy, productive member of society. It is a touch disturbing that it took a study by highly educated sociologists and psychologists costing untold sums of money when we easily could have just consulted Captain Obvious.
The study was financed by the California Office of Child Abuse Prevention, which is looking for ways to involve fathers more at the state’s many family resource centers. Experts say improving the way fathers are treated in many settings, public and private, is an important public health goal.
For example, they say, pictures of families on the walls of clinics and public agencies should have fathers in them. All correspondence should be addressed to both mother and father. Staff members should be welcoming to men. Steps like these promote early and lasting involvement by fathers.
Again, seriously? They needed a study for this?
It really shouldn’t surprise anyone with functioning grey matter that it is only human nature to withdraw from a situation if you are being marginalized regardless of whether it is in relation to being a parent, an employee or a friend.
Despite signs of improvement it is still overwhelmingly obvious that fathers and the role they play in their children’s lives continue to be marginalized. Parenting magazines are horrid, in some states the father doesn’t get to attest to his own paternity and the fact that the necessary facilities for men to attend to their children’s needs are still lacking (at least where I live) are only but a few small examples.
By no means am I trying to diminish the message that this study is trying to send. Parenting is hard work. It takes a mother and father working together not only on the needs of the child, but on the needs of the underlying relationship, regardless of their marital status.
That mothers and fathers will approach parenting situations and teaching moments differently should be accepted within the framework of the relationship the parents have with one another. It is only with this understanding that an environment that fosters support, respect and a sense of encouragement between the parents can be achieved.
Hopefully before another study like this gets commissioned someone has some sense knocked into them and they drop me an email. I’ll be more than happy to organize a group of my fellow parent bloggers to discuss this issue. I’m confident that we could figure it all out over an extended weekend ‘work session’ in the tropics.
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