Igniting Their Spark

by PJ Mullen on July 24, 2009

in Book Reviews, Fatherhood Friday, Featured

The Spark That Starts the Flame

Image by smig44_uk via Flickr

I recently received the book ‘The Path to Purpose’ by William Damon from the Free Press through a friend of mine. The topic of the book intrigued me because as a parent I obviously want the best for my child. I firmly believe that it is part of my responsibility to encourage my son to find his passion that will hopefully lead to a rewarding career and life.

In his book Dr. Damon investigates the reason why so many youth in society today are failing to find their path in life. Through his research he reveals that a disproportionate number of young people have become disenchanted and apathetic towards their role in society. He goes on to classify the youth of today as the disengaged, the dabblers, the dreamers and the purposeful. There are a number of disturbing trends outlined which can be attributed to our online, on demand world of instant gratification and the failure to create long term goals with means to achieve them.

‘The Path to Purpose’ is an academic read and the subject material can be quite dense. However, in my opinion it was good for me as a parent to read this book to understand more about how I can help my son find his purpose in life. Nothing will give me greater pleasure than to see him fulfill his dreams and aspirations. Still, the most difficult part of this will be to set a level of expectations and identify the steps along this path without turning into the dreaded ‘helicopter parent‘.

The book gave me some reassurance with regards to some of the main tenants of my parenting philosophy as it relates to how I plan to encourage my son. Specifically, that he shouldn’t be afraid to fail, rather, he should embrace it, learn from the mistake and recognize that setbacks are only temporary unless he lets them become paralyzing.

On the occasion of my son’s first birthday I wrote him a letter in which I told him that it was important for him to dream and dream big. It is my hope that through conversations with my son that I can learn more about his dreams and guide him in a way that will help him be successful on his chosen path. Fortunately, there are a number of tools in the book, specifically in the sixth chapter, to help parents identify their child’s ambition and foster an environment conducive to preparing them for their journey.

I also identified with this book when it touched on the subject of being unfulfilled in midlife, as my own struggles with finding a path in life have been well documented here on this blog. For far too long my own path was clouded. Partly because of the impatience of my youth I never allowed career to develop. Instead I jumped at interesting opportunities that in hindsight would ultimately be my downfall. However, in my own failure to develop a satisfying career I found a new purpose in life – my family. My purpose in life now is to be the best husband and father that I can be to my wife and son. If I am meant to have professional success beyond this, then great. If not, then I am at peace with that for the first time in my life.

If you are looking for some guidance specifically geared towards helping your children find their path in life, then I’d definitely recommend giving ‘The Path to Purpose’ a read. I found myself stopping frequently to take notes while reading it because of all the thoughts the book triggered and the concepts I wanted to keep straight.

Disclosure: I received this book free of cost, however, I was not compensated in any way for this review or promised anything in exchanged for a favorable review.

Fatherhood Friday @ dad-blogs.com

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Tagged as: Arts, Author, Family, Free Press, Helicopter parent, Home, Literature, Parenting, Philosophy, Psychology, Reviews and Criticism, William Damon

  • mrman
    Thanks for the greatbook review. We all want our kids to be the best they can be, but it certainly starts with us.
  • Thank you, yes, you are absolutely correct. If we are not making the effort to engage them, how will we ever know what makes them tick, what drives them. And, if we don't do that, how are we ever going to be there to guide them. I plan on sharing my successes and failures with my son. I think it is important that he learn where and how I failed so he understands that missteps are part of life, but that as long as you learn from them everything will be ok. We can't, and shouldn't, insulate them from failure, but teach them to embrace the life lesson. Sometimes falling on your face, while painful, can be the best thing that ever happens to you.
  • Wow PJ- you are a very insightful person. As parents we often reflect on our own upbringings and paths taken to guide our children on their path. I especially liked your discussion about embracing your failures, which is a part of how paths are chosen. While I would love to, and might read this book someday, I wonder if they will ever come out with the cliffnotes version.
  • Thanks man, I just gave you the cliff notes version :) If you do end up checking this book out chapter 6 is the most important one for parents. While there is plenty anecdotal stuff leading up to it, that is the chapter designed for parents.
  • Sometimes letting your child experience failure is the worst feeling in the world, but oh, so necessary. Failure usually brings a learning lesson along with it. Thanks to The Mr., I was not a helicopter parent, even though I probably could have that tendency.
    I wish this book could have been around when my girls were young, but we did the best we could and I think we have pretty terrific girls. Parenthood is never easy and it's nice to get advice to consider along the way.
    Book or no, it already sounds like you are a great dad and husband.
  • Thank you, I appreciate that. I've made, and will continue to make plenty of mistakes, but learning from them is the whole point. If I can pass that on to my son, to not let the missteps hold him back from trying something new or doing something he loves, then I've done my job. Sounds like you and the Mister have done so too.
  • I got the same book and I'm excited about reading it but, I'm a horribly slow and unmotivated reader. My confidence was severely hindered by my old man who always told me that someone will always be better than me. It sucks and I want my girls to grow up strong but I know that means some failure along the way.
  • The way I look at it is I have to help my son find his strength. This most likely means he'll try things that he thinks he'll be good at, but won't. It is my job to teach him all it means is that he either has to try harder or try something else. I'm sure you'll do an awesome job helping your girls make those decisions too.
  • Great post PJ. I work with a lot of Helicopter parents and the problem is precisely that they do not allow thier children to fail, and thus experience how to handle it when they do. It is a great reminder to me that I need to teach my son to make good choices and have confidence in his ability to do so, but then leave it to him follow through.
  • I've fallen on my face more than I care to admit, but I've always managed to come out of it unscathed. I like to think that my parents instilled this in me and I owe it to him to do the same. Like you said, we can only guide them to making the right choice. They have to actually choose it and make it work for them. Thanks for stopping by!
  • We wrote letters to both Grandma's, on behald of our little one, on a regular basis, until they had passed. We have been able to save them. Such a wonderful idea!
  • Wow, that is a cool idea. I started writing my little man letters when we first found out my wife was pregnant. I want to bundle them up and give them to him when he's older. Kind of like a score card to see how I did as a dad :)
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