RMDM’s Response to Rep. Davis’ Scholarship Bill

A few days ago I read a post about a scholarship bill being considered by the Missouri state legislature on David’s Stay at Home Dads Blog on About.com. I was amused by the stupidity of the logic behind excluding fathers from the bill and a few days later read a post for a call to action on the At-Home Dad site. Here and here are links to stories on the bill and below is the email that I sent to the NBC reporter giving my take on the failings on the bill and the marginalization of the role of fathers, not just SAHDs, in our society.

Dear Ms. Hollenbeck,

As a stay at home dad I have been following the recent story of Rep. Cynthia Davis’s bill to provide stay at home mom’s with a $600 per year scholarship to encourage them to pursue higher education with great interest. On the surface it seems like a good idea, it is important to keep your skills sharp in order to remain marketable and enable them to be better prepared for today’s workforce.

However, the glaring omission of any provision for stay at home dads from this bill, and, more importantly, the marginalization of the role that fathers play in their children’s development by Rep. Davis’ comments troubles me greatly. As a new father these attitudes never really resonated with me until I started reading parenting magazines. Initially I found it humorous, but over time became infuriated that I would get magazine offers from publications such as “Parenting” with an insert telling me that “this new edition of Parenting brings you reality tested advice that’s truly relevant to your life as a mom with young kids.” After the third such solicitation I realized that either these companies don’t bother to scrub their marketing lists, or assume that fathers can’t read.

While still clearly in the minority, SAHD’s, who either by choice or circumstance find themselves as their children’s primary care provider, face just as daunting odds as stay at home mothers upon their return to the workforce. An MSNBC article detailed the struggles SAHD’s face when re-entering the workforce including a society that doesn’t understand why they chose to abandon their career in the first place. SAHD’s are characterized as individuals that don’t have a “seriousness of purpose” that companies would want in leadership positions. These views are obviously formulated by narrow minded individuals who can’t equate the ability it takes for a father to lead by example to create a solid foundation for his children to become productive members of society.

Additionally, I find it an especially arrogant position that men cannot possibly fulfill the role of nurturer for their children. Yes, I will concede that there are obviously differences in how men and women are capable of playing the role of nurturer, but by no means should a fathers role be ignored. According to the article in the St. Louis Post-Dispatch Rep. Davis’ reasoning is that because I can’t breastfeed that I can’t possibly be included in the conversation. My response to this would be that many women either can’t or choose not to breastfeed. So, if I follow Rep. Davis’ logic that would make these women less of a nurturer than women who do breastfeed.

As patently ridiculous as that logic is to me, a similarly arrogant statement to me is where Rep. Davis asked us to imagine a woman who is sitting around all day “watching TV and eating bon bons” who might decide to pursue higher education because of her bill. Talk about a horribly outdated stereotype of what a stay at home mom does during her normal daily routine. As a SAHD I am woefully inadequate compared to a stay at home mother in Rep. Davis’ eyes, yet I barely have time to enjoy my own meals, let alone lie around, watch TV and eat dessert.

In my ten months as a SAHD I have developed an even greater deal of respect for what stay at home mothers go through everyday. Child care is a 24/7 job with no vacation time and no sick days. Even when my wife comes home it’s not like I get to turn the keys to the shop over to her and proceed to watch ESPN and drink beer. When she is home I am still my son’s father and I am my wife’s partner, so if something needs doing, then I do it.

If we are ever to progress as a society then the perpetuation of attitudes like this based on narrow minded thinking are dangerous and counterproductive. I say this more as a father than as a SAHD, because I find it terribly unfair how we are portrayed by the media and, as it turns out, members of state government.

Thank you very much for your time and consideration. I appreciate the opportunity to be heard and share my perspective on this important issue.

Warmest Regards,

PJ Mullen
pj@realmendriveminivans.com

http://www.realmendriveminivans.com