Total Consciousness Edition

This weekend was a new milestone, but not the good kind, for our son. We had our first big accident in the house, as little man fell off a dining room chair and split his lip. Seeing the fear in his eyes and the blood dripping from his mouth was one of the lowest moments of my life.

Speaking of low moments, don’t you hate the home estimate solicitations you get as you leave those wholesale membership warehouse places? I’ve just finished spending the GDP of a small island nation on toilet paper and craisins and now you want me to think about my siding needs?

Personally, I felt that it was a little presumptuous on his part assuming that I owned a home, but we still had a fun little conversation:

Him: “Would you like a free estimate on replacement siding?”

Me: “Uh, no thank you.”

Him: “But, it’s free, sir, no cost to you”

Me: “Really, that’s what free means? I wasn’t aware. Maybe if the bank hadn’t just taken our home and we weren’t living out of a minivan I’d give a damn about siding”

Him: (silence)

Me: “Have a nice day!”

OK, so maybe that is how the conversation went in my head, but only because my wife was there and I wasn’t about to embarrass her. Had I been there by myself I guarantee I would have let that one fly.

There is no truth to the rumor that after meeting the Dalai Lama that President Obama will be adding “total consciousness” to his health care reform bill. In other news, the Lama is still a big hitter.

They say each pregnancy is different and my wife is certainly experiencing that based on the different skin creams and butters she has tried this time around. What worked for her last time isn’t this time and she’s had to resort to trial and error.

The other day she brought home this stuff that finally might be the one for her called “Yes to Carrots”. Armed with this new intel I am secretly working on a competitor that I’m going to call it “No to Broccoli”. Should be a bit hit with the toddler crowd.

My son has added something new to his ever expanding vocabulary, although I don’t think that word means what he thinks it means, either. The word “uh-oh”.

Yesterday he was being entirely too quiet while playing, which obviously means something is amiss. I looked to find him tearing the leaves off of one of our house plants and ripping them up. As soon as he realized he was busted, he immediately stopped, dropped the leaves on the floor and proclaimed “uh-oh”.

Nice try, kid.

I’ll close out today’s randomness with a little public service announcement for all the public relations professionals that may be reading:

Dear Public Relations Professional,

Thank you very much for your email, the third one in fact, inviting me to an exclusive event for moms. While I am very flattered, the reason you have not received a response from me is because I really couldn’t care less about all of the exciting and fun mom-centric brands that can’t wait to tell me all about themselves. I know, you are probably wondering how I could pass up such a wonderful, and exclusive no less, opportunity. Well, it’s because I’M A DAD!

For the sake of all that it is holy, please learn how to read or hire someone that can to scrub your email lists. If you are sending out an invitation to a mom only event, the person with the email address that ends in @realmendriveminivans.com probably doesn’t qualify.