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So yesterday Tiger Woods kinda, sorta confirmed the speculation that had been swirling around him since the fender bender heard round the world. Without making any clarifying statements he admitted to transgressions and that he failed his family.
With the pressure on after some very poorly crafted media statements issued by him regarding the accident and his wife’s ‘courageousness’ it was only a matter of time before we heard something resembling the truth. Once word leaked of another woman who this time had some damaging evidence in the form of a voice mail from El Tigre himself the match was over.
However, his admission and apology also managed to come with an admonishment for the media. As intelligent as he is, he can’t possibly be that surprised. Still, if his naivete is really that strong, I believe Jim Rome said it best: “If you don’t want the media in ur biz, stop fueling up the G5 and stay home.”
Even the great moral compass that is John Daly has spoken up about Tiger’s situation and urged him to come clean. How far have you fallen when John Daly of all people provides sobering advice?
Shortly after all of this mess occurred I saw a few stories asking the question “what would his father think?”. Woods obviously had a very close relationship with his late father and it made me think of of how I’ve tried to live my life according to a few simple rules that have evolved as my roles and responsibilities have changed.
As a young adult my biggest goal was to make sure that if whatever I did in my life were to become public that it wouldn’t make my own mother ashamed to admit I was her son. As soon as I met my wife that rule expanded to include her. And, finally, that rule has grown again to encompass my role as a father, as I want my son to always be proud to admit that I am his dad.
Have I always been successful in accomplishing this? No. I’m human and have had my transgressions, both private and public. For me the lowest point was when I became embroiled in an SEC investigation into the accounting practices of a former employer, which completely changed the way I viewed my career and the direction of my life.
Sure, it may seem easy for me to sit here and pass judgment without the pressure of being a billion dollar athlete and one of the most recognized personalities in the world. However, the fact remains that whatever Tiger did represents the antithesis of what being a good man is all about.
Today Washington Post sportswriter Michael Wilbon, who I ordinarily like, offered up a pathetic column trying to rationalize Tiger’s purported transgressions, even invoking the Chris Rock line that “a man is only faithful as his options”. While Rock’s line is funny, the reality is that it must be viewed in context.
Lots of men, even those that aren’t celebrities, have options, but they don’t act on temptation without intent. They may have plenty of opportunity to betray the trust they have built with their spouses, still they chose to not violate it.
If the time line being reported by the media is even remotely accurate, then it means Woods has been straying from his marriage practically from the beginning. Even though marriages break apart for a number of reasons, the fact that his wanderlust was so instantaneous it makes you wonder what kind of message his purported actions will send to his own children?
As men and fathers what we should take away from Tiger’s situation is the reinforcement of the idea that celebrities should never serve as role models for us or our children. While I’m not a fan of the sport, I’ve always appreciated Tiger’s talent, work ethic and commitment to his game, but we shouldn’t allow things like championships, wealth and fame to cloud the lessons we intend to impart to our children.
Another aspect to this story that may never been fully revealed is what actually happened to cause the crash, as many outlets have run rampant with speculation that there may have been an incident of domestic violence. I only bring this up because of some of the disturbing comments I’ve seen out there on the internet praising his wife for what very might well be an assault.
If the situation was reversed and it was a man who had allegedly assaulted his wife I can guarantee these same commenters would be screaming for justice, and rightfully so. Any man that raises a hand to a woman in anger is a coward, not a man. However, we as a society should never condone violence in any form, if this is in fact what happened.
This post is part of a Dad Bloggers Project over at Dad-Blogs. Click on over to check out other dad’s perspectives on Tiger Woods.
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{ 38 comments }
Damn good point on the double standard regarding men and women and how each are treated differently during instances of domestic abuse.
Good column, we basically agree on everything!
Very well written. I something like this would eventually happen to the golf superstar. I agree. WE are our kid's role models not celebrities.
well expressed.
you normally like him? i used to, but these days? i think wilbon's a punk. i agree that his column was PATHETIC.
I was reading your column just as I got the email you commented on mine. The sad thing is I can't say that I'm surprised this happened.
Thanks man, it is definitely difficult to navigate, especially when we root for our teams and idolize the players. Still, it is important to make sure that ends at the discussion of athletic talent, not the decisions they may make in their personal lives. It is unfortunate for them that it is all so public, but that is the price they pay for doing what they do.
Thank you. I agree he definitely can be a punk and being a Patriots fan I've grown tired of his views on Belichick.
I thought Wilborn's article was fair and balanced.
It reminds me of the line from 'Funny People' – “It's easy not to cheat when nobody wants to f–k you, you judgmental prick.'
Thankfully, I'm in the 'nobody want to f–k you' league and will never be tested in the way that Tiger Woods is.
Remember when Hugh Grant, who was married to Elizabeth Hurley (one of the hottest women on earth), got busted with the woman who is the very definition of a skank? It seems to me that the greatest test of one's manhood is remaining true to one's values in spite of fame and fortune. Not many guys seem to be able to do it. It seems like they all wind up horndogging around.
Paul Newman was one of my idols because by all accounts he remained true to Joanne through it all, although even he needed a second marriage to get it right.
I'm not wealthy and famous. I don't have gorgeous young women throwing themselves at me. That probably makes it a lot easier to stick to my morals, but still . . .
Great post PJ.
Several things here. I admire your perspective on ethics. To never do anything to shame your family is a good way to operate. Seems Tiger has been caught pretty good in this thing, and it seems he's been unfaithful. That being said though, I think that's something he has to deal with; and, in many respects, I can't judge that because I don't know what he's dealing with in his head. I'm not apologizing for him though. I'm just saying that infidelity is not a crime, and ethically speaking, it's a different ball of wax for everybody. I also agree with you on the double standard of domestic violence going on here. While cheating on a spouse is not illegal, battery certainly is. The news and the police ought to be investigating that, not dwelling on the personal issues. Well written and formulated, PJ>
well this is Tiger's opportunity to be an example to both his family and us – in the way he resolves this situation. Deferring blame is not going to do it!
In a way it is a good thing that this happened (him being found out); what more damage would have been dealt to his family if this continued for more years?
Tiger is a victim. Plain and simple–a victim. Of course, I'm not serious. Like others have noted, I am glad you brought up the double standard as far as domestic violence is concerned and I think that there is a lot of shame on Tiger's end and that is why he is defending his wife. Rightfully so? I think he's doing the right thing. Yes, I do think the media should respect the man, but is that possible? Not likely.
Tiger screwed up big time here and I know that there are a lot of people that casually watch golf who will think twice before tuning in because they feel the same way you do. Good stuff as usual PJ.
Ha! You and me both. We'll have to agree to disagree on Wilbon. While he didn't condone what Tiger has done (sorry, allegedly), he still made the excuse he only got caught because of the information age. He's a bit of a homer when it comes to MJ, Tiger and Barkley, so he'd never truly take them to task. Thankfully Jesper did it for him
Remember, I'm still amazed at his stupidity how many years later? Stupid, stupid, stupid. My wife wants us to go see his new movie, no way. I told her that's a girls night movie. And I completely agree with you on Paul Newman. He was a real man. Dedicated to his wife when I'm sure he had PLENTY of opportunity. The difference, he had no intention of violating what he had with his wife. I'm sure we'd all be tested if we had Tiger's looks, talent and bankroll, so to a degree it is easy to play monday morning quarterback. But still, he hit the lottery and still tried to double down.
I agree with you, it is difficult to judge because we don't know the whole story. If you or I had Tiger's looks, talent and cash we may see things differently, but it's obvious his wife didn't
. He had already hit the lottery in the spouse department and tried to double down, if you will.
Excellent points, his true test will be in how he recovers from this and either renews his commitment to his marriage and family or his efforts become grandstanding to save him endorsements. And to your point on being caught now than later, his children are still young, so I guess that is the silver lining for him. They're too young to understand everything that is being said about their father.
I'm really glad you clarified that Joe
If Tiger is a victim, it is of being a hyper competitive athlete and having that nature permeate the rest of his life. That doesn't make it right, but that is one 'defense', if you will.
Also, I'm not sure his 'defense' of his wife is so admirable or just part of the damage control effort. If any of the media reports are to be believed, he is attempting to triple his wife's pre nup figure and cut the minimum number of years their marriage must last in order for the payout to kick in.
I agree that I don't think this, or any similar situation, deserves as much media attention as it is getting when there are so many other more important things going on in this country. Unfortunately, that is part of the voyeuristic society we find ourselves in these days. We just happen to like it when heroes fall, even when they aren't the true heroes.
next we will see an advert “Brand X for everyone because no one is perfect” Tiger then comes on and says “but we never give up” hero music, brand title, …
Phill
[http://phillipgibb.magntize.com/]
== Any man that raises a hand to a woman in anger is a coward, not a man. However, we as a society should never condone violence in any form, if this is in fact what happened. ==
Talk about double-standards.
At the outset let me be clear: men should never raise a hand to a woman — the exceptions of course if she is actually inflicting/about to inflict bodily harm. A pop in the mouth of an athlete from a mom is *not* what I would call 'bodily harm'.
Take it another way: two guys are in a bar and have had a few. One guy says something completely out-of-line about the other guys S.O. A shove in the bar that leads to a fat lip is not something most people would think is out-of-line (stupid, without a doubt, but not out of line).
So much so a wife finding out her husband was not ONLY a cad for stepping out on her, but doing so with multiple women (and reportedly transceiving text messages during a holiday meal). Are you seriously saying she was out-of-line for popping him under the circumstances? (stupid, I'll grant you still, but not out-of-line in my mind)
Tiger Woods is and remains an golf athlete par excellence. Speaking for myself, any respect I had for him as man is gone, and not soon to return until he's gone above and beyond to redeem himself. (Full disclosure: I've never played golf, nor found it even remotely interesting as a sport)
Bringing this thread full-circle: you and I can agree with the position that a man is a coward for raising his hand to a woman in anger; but the same characteristics that make him a coward for hitting his wife is what actually makes it permissible – under certain circumstances and barring infliction bodily harm — when the genders are reversed.
Very good post, my friend.
While all “transgressions” are tragic in their own. The fact that this is amplified on account of his celebrity status is what makes it worse. I've tried to limit myself on how much I know or hear because, honestly it's none of my business.
Yes, I've made jokes and have told my wife to save all text messages if she ever meets Tiger. Looking back after reading this, it could have been more appropriate to exercise restraint.
The event has taken a life on it's own. What we're being bombarded with on a gossip level has nothing to do with the role of father that he plays as well.
But the cheating husband is what society seems to crave right now especially after the year of Jon Gosling.
Nicely stated, bro. I'm posting my own take on Tiger as well. It will be up momentarily. I think we feel much the same way.
No, not a double standard, but an error of omission. In re-reading what I wrote you could infer that the word 'domestic' should have come before the violence in the line you referenced. You took my words at their face value and understandably so. It would certainly be hypocritical of me to say otherwise considering my favorite sport is football, which is essentially 60 minutes of controlled violence.
As far as the 'pop in the mouth' goes, we don't know and most likely will never know what happened, and I'm fine with that. The point of my post was not to justify the media attention but to highlight the flaw in Tiger's character and his naivete about why so many people care.
I also say that I don't blame his wife, if she did indeed fact 'pop him in the mouth'. My point was some of the disturbing comments out on the various news reports I've read that took what they felt Tiger's 'punishment' should be for his transgressions way too far. Some of them were sick and in other cases felonies.
Yes, it would be stupid if she did, especially if their children were present – quite the teachable moment wouldn't you say? And obviously emotions on this subject would understandably be high making it difficult to control one's actions. That being said I disagree that it should be permissible, except in the obvious case of self defense, as you eluded, regardless of gender.
We definitely agree on golf. I used to play, and badly at that. Personally, I'd much rather watch paint dry or grass grow.
Thanks. Same here, I only read a few things to supplement the post I had planned after the project got put together over at Dad Blogs and now that I've written it I don't plan on paying the matter any more attention.
I'm in the same boat, I've told the 'what do a car and a golfball have in common' joke a dozen times already even though I feel a little wrong after telling it.
I think it all goes back to the bigger they are, the harder they fall. He had such a well groomed image that resonated with so many people that it is a bit disappointing to find out he's as screwed up as the rest of us.
My only points in writing this post is that we are fathers need to be sure that we are the ones that set the example for our kids and that Tiger was a touch naive for wondering why the media is making such a big deal over it while he cashes Nike's checks.
Thanks man, looking forward to reading it.
Right there with ya..on every point…good going! Personally I think “celebrities” should admit to it, right away. The best route…get it out there to squash rumour and innuendo…take responsibility!
Kudos!
You're right that as a dad we really have to think about everything we do and what our kids would think if they saw us do it or found out. Life has grown to be about so much more than just us. It's not always easy to remember that, but the results of forgetting can be devastating. Good post.
That is an excellent point. It would certainly knock those rags off their game now wouldn't it? A quick “yeah, I screwed up, this is what happened and now I have to work on fixing what I've done” would blow the minds of so many 'journalists'.
Thanks! It is definitely difficult to think about the grand scheme all the time, and trust me when I say it has been difficult for me. I've had a few job opportunities that really got me excited, but in the end the stress it would put on my family wasn't worth it.
Great article PJ. I haven't heard too much about the whole domestic violence aspect. Good point.
Charles Barkley said it best “I am not a roll model”. He definitely ain't much of a man, but he can still swing a driver. Gonna get harder to separate him the asshole from him the golf player.
Thanks, that was more of a reaction to some of the crazy comments I've seen about what his wife 'should' have done to him. Some sick folks out there.
Ha! Yes, Sir Charles surely isn't a roll model. Very true, I've always admired his talent and skill, but his image is shot for a lot of people.
On point, PJ. The fact that there are so many of these alledged mistresses makes me wonder if his entire marriage has been a sham. Something drawn up by his publicists. If so, what a tragedy for the children involved.
Very well said. Did this situation with Tiger come as a surprise to me? Yes and no. I guess in today's media highlights, I am used to a story like this coming out about once or twice a month-very sad that we can almost rely on it to happen. It shows that publicly- he is what made him famous- a good golfer. As for a father, husband, or trusted friend- there is no true public demonstration through his words or actions that really give him these qualities, and now much is all questionable.
On a separate but equal note, are all of these infidelities, and tabloid “worthy” news in greater number from 30 years ago, or is it that the public craves these stories- making the tabloid stories “The News”. With a 3 year old child that is turning into my personal recording device, its like I can't watch the news until after their bed time, or I have to mute the story. JeEz!
That is a very good point, it certainly not a stretch to assume he didn't really want to be married in the first place. Part of manufacturing the perfect image for endorsement deals perhaps? I agree that it would be a tragedy for the kids if true.
Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to those with means and opportunity. The point of the post wasn't to chastise, admonish or pile on, just to point out the obvious that he shouldn't be surprised by the media's/public's reaction and that we need to recognize that we can't let others be the role models for our children.
None of this stuff is new, just between the new technologies and the 24/7 media cycle they have to talk about something I guess. It's sad, but like you said, we can just mute it until the kids are asleep. If anything the nice part of it all is that it is all opt-in. If you want to sleep through the static you can just not visit websites or change the channel. I only watch football and cooking shows anymore for that very reason.
Very well said. Did this situation with Tiger come as a surprise to me? Yes and no. I guess in today's media highlights, I am used to a story like this coming out about once or twice a month-very sad that we can almost rely on it to happen. It shows that publicly- he is what made him famous- a good golfer. As for a father, husband, or trusted friend- there is no true public demonstration through his words or actions that really give him these qualities, and now much is all questionable.
On a separate but equal note, are all of these infidelities, and tabloid “worthy” news in greater number from 30 years ago, or is it that the public craves these stories- making the tabloid stories “The News”. With a 3 year old child that is turning into my personal recording device, its like I can't watch the news until after their bed time, or I have to mute the story. JeEz!
That is a very good point, it certainly not a stretch to assume he didn't really want to be married in the first place. Part of manufacturing the perfect image for endorsement deals perhaps? I agree that it would be a tragedy for the kids if true.
Nothing surprises me anymore when it comes to those with means and opportunity. The point of the post wasn't to chastise, admonish or pile on, just to point out the obvious that he shouldn't be surprised by the media's/public's reaction and that we need to recognize that we can't let others be the role models for our children.
None of this stuff is new, just between the new technologies and the 24/7 media cycle they have to talk about something I guess. It's sad, but like you said, we can just mute it until the kids are asleep. If anything the nice part of it all is that it is all opt-in. If you want to sleep through the static you can just not visit websites or change the channel. I only watch football and cooking shows anymore for that very reason.
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